fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
