I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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