just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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