If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
