RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My vagina is very pro this idea
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