he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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