ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
