This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
