He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well I just put wine in my tea
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
