I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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