dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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