it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
