I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
