I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
