good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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