My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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