Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
