Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
