The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
