4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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