Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
