Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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