Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
