Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize