He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
