who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
