he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize