my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm at about main and main street
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
