I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
