I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
