once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
