Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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