She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize