I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
