Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
