ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize