A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
