I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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