My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
