Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
