Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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