im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
