in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
