im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I believe in your delicious
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
