Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
