It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
