your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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