yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
