Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
