There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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