whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
