I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
