Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
