I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
