My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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