Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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