If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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