Soap is not a condiment
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
