and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i think i just lost a toe
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
