She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want a musical about memes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
