i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the condom got lost in my hair
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Vodka?
Forever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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