we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
