I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
