I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
