Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
