Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
