I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
