the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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