he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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