My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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