it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize