I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
well most of my day revolves around power hour
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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