I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
