at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
