Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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